maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
