I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
