I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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