A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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