Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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