somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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