well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
