im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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