she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
