apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
