your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so that wasnt chicken after all
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
