I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
