Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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