I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
