I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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