I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
