once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
