...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
