My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
