8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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