Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
