Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
