Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
