u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
