Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
