Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How naked do you want me to be?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
