He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
