I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
