Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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