I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i think i just lost a toe
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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