1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
