please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
