i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
