i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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