Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
