I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
