I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
