Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
