Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
be right there i have to get my cape
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
