Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
