Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
