from now on my penis is your penis
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
