He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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