Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
