remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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