I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
