I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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