Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Small penises have feelings too.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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