Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
