I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
