she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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