Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
