Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
