did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
