So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
