found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
